Leighhanna Wydermyer

Leighhanna’s Story

The 6:00 am alarm goes off. Get out of bed, but not too fast. I enter the building (which resembles a prison of beige walls), sticking to one side and a strict schedule. I see familiar faces, but most I have never spoken to. Earbuds in, I walk to class, do work until the bell rings, and repeat the process until l I leave for the day or forever, whichever comes first. It’s robotic and automatic, but innate. Yet, no one seems to notice or care. Maybe they don’t realize that they are all stuck in the spin cycle, waiting for the timer to ring.

Being a student for 13 plus years has made me realize that I believe every day should be different, that you should never wake up and know exactly how your day is going to unfold. Sometime in the last few years, it feels like I have lost my sense of identity. My identity became wrapped around being a student, and only a student. I know that there are a range of vital attributes to who I am as a person such as a black female, a lover of reading and writing, a sister, and an empathetic spirit. However, within those attributes, the only one that seems to have any consequence is student. Walking into the same building every day at the same time, going to the same place, seeing the same people, and sitting in the same seat surrounded by the same people doing the same thing with the same teacher until the bell rings implants a strict and endless regimen that we begrudgingly but voluntarily obey, and my community views this monotony as normal and even good.

I am surrounded by people in my life who have fallen through the cracks of this disadvantageous system. My community views being enrolled in school as an accomplishment, but does not seem to realize they play a vital role in their youth’s success. They constantly reinforce the idea that education is crucial to the success of the youth, but have little regard for the outside factors that impact our performance and make no attempt to dedicate any time or energy to our academic help. I know that American education is a systematic structure driving us strictly in one direction, but I know that there are loopholes for some. I know there is really only one way out.

Constantly seeing the effect of this cookie-cutter system causes the empathy in me to grieve. I know that I can’t help everyone, so I help those that I can. Even then, it is only to a certain extent. It is the only way I have of helping my friends and family get out. Said empathy often causes me to put my wants and needs last because I feel like I am in a better place in terms of grades, grade point average, and mental awareness, and can afford to put my needs on hold. I know that even if I am helping others with their homework or college applications, I am not going to fall behind. I am aware that I have the mental capacity and ability to do this, and I use it to relieve the monotony for me and to help people who need it.

Because of this realization, I have a new understanding of myself. I understand that I want a way to not only break myself out, but to assist others around me to leave those predictable beige walls and unchanging daily routines as they find their true selves. I want to help others along my journey, as they face similar realizations about themselves and the people around them. I want the people around me to become aware of what is happening around them and to understand that there is a way out, and sometimes that way out includes some unwanted unpredictability.